when i was five, age didn't make sense.
then i was seven, discovered new friends and knew what hurt was.
sweet seventeen was like icing. knew there was a nineteen somewhere where it signifies the last year of being a teen.
twenty one, i had a key. but i didn't know what door it was supposed to open.
twenty four, i felt i had years still to plan my seemingly wrong direction in life.
twenty eight, i got into hot soup.
spent the next decade unspilling the hot soup.
during those years, health swung around like a monkey. no, i should say gorilla. i had huge problems with health and it interfered with my plans.
in the thirties, health stabilized, or perhaps i knew how to handle my health situation.
forties and so on, i have suddenly run out of time.
i am stuck.
with mistakes.
with things unsaid.
life was not supposed to be like this.
how on earth did i end up in this mess?
now i can only hope that before i go to the grave, i can settle everything.

talking about which.. sometimes we carry the sins of our forefathers. that can weigh us down. i have been told, a total cleansing helps clean our lives. i guess it makes sense in many ways. a cluttered soul simply cannot get anything done. we need heavy duty vacuum cleaners to clean up our lives sometimes.